Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Could There Be Sunshine Ahead?



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Living with bi-polar type II I feel like I have an uneven view of life.  A cynic, my glass has always been half empty.  I don't mean for it to be, but it always has been. 
At 44 years old, I'm trying to figure out how to be happy.  It's taken me a lot of years, and a lot of pain to realize that this disease was ruining my life by putting huge limits on the things I allow myself to do.

The world is scary & my place is safe.  But it's also getting smaller with each passing day becoming a prison.  I literally sit in front of a window and a computer screen & watch the world go by, feeling bad because I haven't laughed in forever.  Haven't enjoyed anthing I've done for the last several days.  Thoughts of feeling hopeless & worthless swirling in my head with no off switch.

I'm scared, but I want to break free of my walls, start talking nicely to myself, know that I am good enough & that I do have value.

I know that my little blog has been neglected, and I don't know what role it will have in my new & improving future, but I wanted to share what I was feeling with my friends.  Friends who have said countless prayers for me & have always lifted my spirits when I'm at my lowest.

I will always have bad days, but now I choose to believe that there will be more happy days right around the corner.  I'm going to learn how to be alive & joyful, even if I have to drag my bi-polar kicking & screaming behind me.

12 comments:

Rebecca Jo said...

Hang onto that HOPE of brighter days!!!

sara said...

It's a great outlook!! And however you blog ends up looking, we are just glad when we get to share it with you!

(hugs))

The Bug said...

Say yes to the sunshine! It will probably look like a thunderstorm, but that's just its disguise :)

blueviolet said...

Yes, I truly believe sunshine is ahead. I love you!

Queenie Jeannie said...

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away!!!!!!

I love you!!

Do something that "scares" you every day. Soon you won't be as scared anymore!!! Are you still crafting???

SueAnn said...

It's hard to turn it all off sometimes.
As a fellow bipolar sufferer...I know.
I have been retuning my brain with good thoughts and when the bad thoughts come...I simply rethink them. Sometimes it works...sometimes I sit and wonder why it worked yesterday and not today.
I have missed a lot of living. But I won't dwell on that anymore. I have lost a lot of friends but I won't dwell on that either.
Today is new and I am determined to be new too
Hugging you
Struggling with you
SueAnn

STILLMAGNOLIA said...

I am hoping and praying for sunshine for you my friend. Know that you are loved. XOXO KK

bigguysmama said...

I feel so much the same way as you. My heart goes out to you. I hope you will see how valuable you are to each of us and that you are a treasure. Praying that the sunshine reaches deep into your soul.

~Meems

Melissa said...

Hold on to hope...I have been doing much better just by telling myself I have to make the choice to be happy. Some days it works...others not so well. You will be in my prayers.

Emily said...

I will be praying that sunshine fills your heart and your days. With God, all things are possible! Hold onto the hope of brighter days ahead. Sending you lots of ((((hugs))))!

Amy said...

Praying that even though the winter months are grey, that the Sunshine of His Love will shine ever brightly in your heart and mind.

The Cat Guy said...

I hope there's lots of sunshine ahead for you. Sending prayers your way.