Shrewd Shopper or Hopeless Hoarder?

So here's an example of the difference between me and my husband. We were out shopping and I spotted these cute silicone kitchen sets.  They're the kind that can handle high heat.

Then I saw the price.

.49¢...They were only .49¢!  There were four sets left on the rack and I took great pleasure in buying all of them.

Chris did not understand why I would buy all 4. At that price I probably would have bought 10 sets!

I'm using one, I'll give a set to my son John David for his apartment, keep one in reserve and give the last one to my mom or neighbor.

Would you have bought 4 or more of these because of the extreme mark down or would you have just been 1 and done?
 

Just Springtime in Michigan

I was so excited to see my little daffodils pop their head up on Monday.

Then I woke up in the middle of the night with the power out. We had gotten about 2 inches of snow. Poor daffodils.

And poor me! Our power didn't come on until about 2 yesterday afternoon.

Chloe woke me up to let me know she did not appreciate the cold house.  It got down to 53 degrees in here!

I found a cool 1980's throwback to keep me warm. Please excuse my derp face!

Thank you Merino sheep for giving me this lovely snug sack to keep warm in.

Finally I have to show you the area of our power outage as diagrammed by DTE Energy.

My house is located near the tip end, lol.
 

A Major Life Accomplishment

For the first time in my 46 years I have finished a lip balm before I lost it.

I figure why not celebrate life's little victories!

Suicide Watch: My Story

I never got to see John David in this costume. It was for a first grade play he was in. My mom made it for him and took this picture. I was in the hospital. I had tried to commit suicide.

Do you see the sadness in my son's eyes? He didn't know what I had done, he just knew that his life had been turned upside down and everyone he loved was letting him down. Terrifying him.

My ex-husband, his father, and I were in the midst of our divorce. His father was having an affair and left us. I had an undiagnosed mental illness and I was an active alcoholic.

John David saw a lot of screaming, sobbing, so much anger. John David once called 911 because he thought I was going to hurt his father. The things he saw, you can see reflected in his eyes.  John was 7, Jack only 3 1/2. Luckily Jack's memory of this time is much more fuzzy, but of course he bears his own scars.

In my mind, I thought my boys would be better off without me. I was so absorbed in my own pain, I didn't realize how my death would make things so very much worse for the boys I was trying to protect.

Obviously my suicide attempt didn't work. I am SO unbelievably lucky.

I have spent every day since that day trying to make up for that look in my son's eyes. Trying to make his pain go away. Trying to fix the sins of the past.  But it doesn't work like that.  I can't fix it for him.

But I can share my story. I can tell you that even though it was awful, we made it. I am incredibly close to my two young men.  I have worked like hell to make them know that there would be one constant in their life.  That no matter what, I will be there for them.  And I am.

There are too many families who are not as lucky as we are. Mental illness is insidious, it can be black, painful, overwhelming. For one moment, it even eclipsed my love of my boys.

But I'm still here. My boys are adults now who know about all of the secrets of my past. I want them to be aware that both mental illness and alcoholism can have a hereditary component.

I want you to all know that mental illness is real. I'm sure you know someone who lives with it and suffers from it.  One reason I'm writing this is because someone very close to me "doesn't buy" this whole mental illness thing. They think it's just an excuse for being weak.

Mental illness has not made me weak, it has made me strong. I don't have everything all figured out yet, not by a long shot. But I do know that I will never willingly leave my sons and my husband. It's the kind of strength that has been forged by fire. We all have our scars, but I refuse to try to hide mine.

I'm hoping that by shining a spotlight on this part of my life I can start to let it go. To stop punishing myself for my actions. And maybe in doing so, just one person will hold on a little longer. Maybe one person will change the way they view mental illness.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. Feel free to share it. I'm not looking to get a bunch of clicks, to up page views, I'm just hoping maybe someone in your life will read it too.

Do You Have A Superpower?

Pearls Before Swine

I think we all have superpowers and I'll be talking about that more here on Screaming Mimi. Some superpowers are useful and some are useless.

One of my most useless superpowers is the ability to grow a perfect set of nails. Colors have been inspiring me a lot lately, so I've been taking the time to paint my nails fun colors. Sometimes I look down at my pretty little nails and think 'eh, at least it's something!

What's one of your useless superpowers?

Hello! Happy Spring

Hi, is anyone still out there in Mimiland?

Take a look around, I've given the blog a fresh spring makeover, I hope you like it.

I've spent the past several years focusing on my pet blogs and now I feel like it may be time to devote some time to Screaming Mimi.

I'm at a turning point in my life right now. You could call it a mid-life crisis, but I'm trying to look at it as the beginning of my next chapter.

John, me, Jack

I say 'trying' because I'm still dealing with the changes that got me here.  My boys are young men. 

John and Ed

John is 22 and living with his boyfriend Ed about 45 minutes away. He's been gone a little over a year but I'm still not used to it and I still miss him every day.

Jack

Jack spends 50% of his time at his dad's house. Add to that the fact that he's 18, a Senior year in high school with a job and an adorable girlfriend and that doesn't leave much time for dear old mom no matter how you slice it.

Jack and Rachel

They're busy, they don't need their mumma like they used to. *wah wah*

Chris and me

Since I don't have a job I have way too much time on my hands. I have to find new projects to focus on.  Hopefully the first one will be beginning my personal makeover.

Compared to most of my peers I had my kids young. At 46 I have the opportunity to figure out who I am. I can to focus on getting myself healthy mentally and physically, determine what I want to do next and spend time with Chris focusing on our relationship.

Hopefully 2014 will be the year I finally get a life!

*I'm waiting for my signature to be added to my new design

Hugs & Love,
Mimi

Literally Doesn't Mean Literally Any More, Literally.

*BOOSH*

While you listen to the sound of my head exploding, check out this fantastic post by KQED.org

Great writing and of course Calvin and Hobbes make everything better!

I'm still doing great and taking positive steps forward, so thanks for all of your support.

 

Enough With The Bipolar Already!

This poor blog has been dead in the water for quite some time now.

In the last couple of years I have gone to rehab and gotten sober, (almost 21 months of sobriety so far) grown my pet blogs beyond what I hoped for, and then let my mental health problems drag me down into a big dark pit of hopelessness.

Mental illness has the ability overtake all reasonable thought and if you're in a vulnerable position, it will do just that. I've let mental illness hold me hostage for way too long now.

I want to find the sound of my own voice and stop letting the chatter in my head run the show. It's not the hearing-other-people's-voices kind of chatter, for me it's all self defeating chatter.

Here's an example of how this affects me in real life: a couple of days ago I decided to go change from pajamas into 'real clothes'. Actually trying to take pride in my appearance for once. Then I caught myself saying out loud, “It doesn't matter what shirt you pick, you’re a fat pig anyways.” I said those words, out loud, to myself without even thinking about it.

Hey bipolar voice...SHUT THE HELL UP!  I've listened to you long enough, now I'm going to start using my own voice again.

I want my life back. I want to stop hiding in the house. I want to find ways to express my emotions again. I want to look for the beauty in things. I want to feel like a positive force in the world again. I want to tell my brain that I am not a fat pig.

I am smart, I am funny, I am loving, but I am NOT bipolar type II disorder. It does not define me. Not if I don't let it.

This may be a lot a bloviating, with no follow through. This might be another false start, but at least it is that…a start.

I’m fairly sure that this poor little bloggy doesn't have very many readers anymore, but if you’re out there then I’m saying, “Hey, it’s me, Mimi and I’m still here!”

Now if you wouldn't mind, cross your fingers and join me in hoping that I can start to dig myself out of this hole.  Baby steps are fine, as long as I'm still moving forward.

 

Hiking Through Book Review

Hiking Through. "One man's journey to peace and freedom on the Appalachian Trail" is a great read!

It's the stories and narrative as told by Paul Stutzmen, a widower who decides to thru hike the 2,176 mile Appalchian Trail. He takes us on a geographical journey from Springer Mountain Georgia, through 14 states, to Mt. Kathadin in Maine.

Stutzmen opens up about his personal life, from his childhood through present, and introduces us to those he has met on his journey. He weaves together a tale that is part travel log, part history lesson, and part sermon.

The book, at 332 pages, is a quick read and is thoroughly enjoyable. Upon completion, one is left with a wider understanding of humans and our interpersonal realtionships with each other, with nature, and with God.

Available May 2012 at your favorite bookseller from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group.

 

Have You Discovered PicMonkey?

I may be the last one to discover PicMonkey, but just in case you haven't stumbled upon it yet I thought I'd tell you about it.

I took this picture

and turned it into this picture.

PicMonkey is easy, free and fun to use.  The only drawback is sometimes it's so busy you can't use it!

 

Hello!

Hi guys,

Have ya missed me?  I've missed all of you!  I've had some health struggles this year, resulting in more time in the hospital, but I think I'm on the right path now.

Everybody here is doing well & I'm getting ready to take some pet blogging trips.  Next week I go to Topeka at the invitation of Hill's Science Diet.  I'll be touring thier facilities for a couple of days, like I did with Iams last year.

In June I go to BlogPaws, the pet blogging version of BlogHer.

All of my men are doing well, Chris is working hard, Jack is almost 16 and getting ready to get his license, John David turned 20 in March & Oskar is busy being adorable.

I've dedicated time this morining to coming around and catching up with all of my blogging friends. 

I'd like to say that Mimi's back, but it's hard to tell when the blogging muse will be with you & when you'll feel like you've got nothing to say, but I hope you all have a great Wednesday!

Project 365 - Week 8

I figure week 8 isn't too late to start back up with Project 365, so here I go!

Sunday, February 19 - Saturday, February 25

Sunday

Chris & I went to a local restaurant called The Woodhouse, for some great smoked, grilled meats.  My plate doesn't reflect how good the food actually was, but I had beef brisket, mac & cheese, green bean casserole & corn bread.  We finished the meal with deep fried Twinkies, which sounds good in theory, but actually made us a little sick to our stomach :(

Monday

Oskar with the hooked rug that I've been sporadically working on.  It will be really pretty if I ever actually finish it.

Tuesday

A quilt my mom made for me using scraps from some of my grandma's clothes (she passed in December) along with other fabrics.  Some of my favorite gifts are my quilts.

The button on the tag is from the blouse she was wearing when she entered the hospital for the last time.

Wednesday

Oskar's nemesis, the squirrel.

Thursday

This balloon was waiting for me when I got home from the hospital on 1/23.  A month later it's still doing great.  It's tethered to the HOPE sign that we found in the hospital gift shop.

Friday

My friend Joanne from The Tiniest Tiger blog makes these amazing hipster bags.  They're so great that she was asked to go to Hollywood this week to giveaway the bags at one of the Oscar week swag rooms.  She sent me one and it's filled with lots of great kitty stuff.  I'll be giving one away over at Pet Blogs United starting tomorrow.

Saturday

Yesterday I made myself an omelette with tomato, fresh basil & feta cheese.  It was really good!

To see who else is playing along with Project 365, drop by Sara's blog. 

Hopefully I'll be back sooner rather than later!  I've missed my blogging friends.

Rest In Peace Whitney

I was planning on posting tonight after my long absence (another hospital visit), but tonight I'm just going to post on the tragic news of Whitney Houstons passing.  She had an amazing voice and it seems she just couldn't shake her drug demons.

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I'll be back in a day or so :)

Hello

Today the news guy said, some serial robbers head into the suburbs & I though he said cereal robbers head into the suburbs, and I laughed for way longer than I should have. Oskar didn’t seem to find it amusing.

I'm still here, and doing OK.  We got our first snow today and even though we are lucky to have our first snow that sticks this late in the year, I hate it with a passion.

It wasn't one of those nice fluffy snows, it was freezing rain first so that our vehicles (no garage) ended up frozen shut.  We broke the one pitiful ice scraper we could find.  Nothing beats being out in freezing sleet trying to chip into your car with half an ice scraper & a spatula. 
Once I got going, I went to Meijer to get two ice scrapers.  I got sturdy, fancy ones that cost almost $20 each.  When I came home my husband & I couldn't figure out how to work them.

Winter wonderland?  Don't be fooled, snow mostly sucks ;)

I'm actually doing better than OK, I'm doing better than I have in a  while.  I make sure I get dressed in jeans or cargos everyday, I used to always wear pajama, sweat pants type stuff all the time when I was more depressed.  But, since JD has my van all day while he is working & I'm dedicating today to blogging and cleaning, here's a little peek at the outfit I've been wearing since I got back from running my errands.

Cozy & Comfortable

I have a little more on my plate with my 3 blogs than I can handle right now, but I'm not focusing too much on blogging, so I can focus on acutally getting out of the house and living life.  I'll probably be around more often after my trip to the ACK Eukanuba dog show and the holidays are over.

As Adults Do We Really Need...

Gummy vitamins?  For adults?  Even better they have sour gummy vitamins.

And if you are an adult that likes sour gummies, wouldn't this just make you want to eat a handful of them?

Obviously I am not their target audience :)

Could There Be Sunshine Ahead?



Source

Living with bi-polar type II I feel like I have an uneven view of life.  A cynic, my glass has always been half empty.  I don't mean for it to be, but it always has been. 
At 44 years old, I'm trying to figure out how to be happy.  It's taken me a lot of years, and a lot of pain to realize that this disease was ruining my life by putting huge limits on the things I allow myself to do.

The world is scary & my place is safe.  But it's also getting smaller with each passing day becoming a prison.  I literally sit in front of a window and a computer screen & watch the world go by, feeling bad because I haven't laughed in forever.  Haven't enjoyed anthing I've done for the last several days.  Thoughts of feeling hopeless & worthless swirling in my head with no off switch.

I'm scared, but I want to break free of my walls, start talking nicely to myself, know that I am good enough & that I do have value.

I know that my little blog has been neglected, and I don't know what role it will have in my new & improving future, but I wanted to share what I was feeling with my friends.  Friends who have said countless prayers for me & have always lifted my spirits when I'm at my lowest.

I will always have bad days, but now I choose to believe that there will be more happy days right around the corner.  I'm going to learn how to be alive & joyful, even if I have to drag my bi-polar kicking & screaming behind me.