The Old Bait & Switch.

Hmm...here I sit a few days away from 41. I promised myself that 40 would be better than 39, but I don't think I lived up to that one.

I was hospitalized about 6 times, failed to sustain much of a wt. loss & I am more alone than ever.

I have a fantastic husband & two amazing sons, how can I be alone? My anxiety & depression keep me from doing just about anything outside of the house. I can usually go to church & lunch afterwards. I can go to the grocery store or to run errands. I can chauffer the boys around & pick up or drop off their friends. What I can't do is go out with people, meet people for any activity, or go to people's house for a social activity. I can't have people come here either.

Any plans I make (usually with people who are my friends from church because I have lost all of my other friends for this reason) I cancel. My husband goes without me, or he doesn't go at all. It's not the life he signed up for.

When I met my husband I was a person who was thin, self confident & exciting to be around. I had made it through my divorce & come out the other side with a sparkle in my eye. We had an exciting life before we got married. I blame myself for putting the kibosh on the majority of his fun.

I feel like I pulled a bait & switch on him. I offered a shiny, fun fiance & left him holding the bag on an old, chubby, sad person who is afraid of life. He deserves more. I suppose I do too, but I feel worse for him.