Hello

Today the news guy said, some serial robbers head into the suburbs & I though he said cereal robbers head into the suburbs, and I laughed for way longer than I should have. Oskar didn’t seem to find it amusing.

I'm still here, and doing OK.  We got our first snow today and even though we are lucky to have our first snow that sticks this late in the year, I hate it with a passion.

It wasn't one of those nice fluffy snows, it was freezing rain first so that our vehicles (no garage) ended up frozen shut.  We broke the one pitiful ice scraper we could find.  Nothing beats being out in freezing sleet trying to chip into your car with half an ice scraper & a spatula. 
Once I got going, I went to Meijer to get two ice scrapers.  I got sturdy, fancy ones that cost almost $20 each.  When I came home my husband & I couldn't figure out how to work them.

Winter wonderland?  Don't be fooled, snow mostly sucks ;)

I'm actually doing better than OK, I'm doing better than I have in a  while.  I make sure I get dressed in jeans or cargos everyday, I used to always wear pajama, sweat pants type stuff all the time when I was more depressed.  But, since JD has my van all day while he is working & I'm dedicating today to blogging and cleaning, here's a little peek at the outfit I've been wearing since I got back from running my errands.

Cozy & Comfortable

I have a little more on my plate with my 3 blogs than I can handle right now, but I'm not focusing too much on blogging, so I can focus on acutally getting out of the house and living life.  I'll probably be around more often after my trip to the ACK Eukanuba dog show and the holidays are over.

Could There Be Sunshine Ahead?



Source

Living with bi-polar type II I feel like I have an uneven view of life.  A cynic, my glass has always been half empty.  I don't mean for it to be, but it always has been. 
At 44 years old, I'm trying to figure out how to be happy.  It's taken me a lot of years, and a lot of pain to realize that this disease was ruining my life by putting huge limits on the things I allow myself to do.

The world is scary & my place is safe.  But it's also getting smaller with each passing day becoming a prison.  I literally sit in front of a window and a computer screen & watch the world go by, feeling bad because I haven't laughed in forever.  Haven't enjoyed anthing I've done for the last several days.  Thoughts of feeling hopeless & worthless swirling in my head with no off switch.

I'm scared, but I want to break free of my walls, start talking nicely to myself, know that I am good enough & that I do have value.

I know that my little blog has been neglected, and I don't know what role it will have in my new & improving future, but I wanted to share what I was feeling with my friends.  Friends who have said countless prayers for me & have always lifted my spirits when I'm at my lowest.

I will always have bad days, but now I choose to believe that there will be more happy days right around the corner.  I'm going to learn how to be alive & joyful, even if I have to drag my bi-polar kicking & screaming behind me.

A Time For Memories

Today at the funeral home visitation for my grandmother I had so many happy memories flashing through my head.  Stories that spoke from picture boards, some stories I knew, some I had to ask about.  Hearing stories from my mom & her 8 siblings about growing up with trips to the family farms, trouble they got into as 9 kids with no money under one roof.  A story my mom shared with us about my grandma's passing that she told to me & my children to have and to remember.

When my grandma passed she had my grandpa and all 9 of her children surrounding her.  I hope we are all so blessed as to have such a loving passing, and wish that I wasn't an only child, so that I had a large family to lean on when my turn comes to start letting the next generation pass. 

The love and grace and closeness that my mom & her siblings share is a special thing that I think all of my cousins wish for.  My parents generation only went so high as three children per family, and there are quite a few of us "onlies" in the group.

My mom's family is of a generation that you don't see much anymore and the legacy that they carry down from is quickly dying out.  My grandma was a young wife & mother when she went to work in the factories while my grandpa was out fighting in a tank, on the front lines in Germany.  They didn't have much and didn't expect much, but they all had each other. 

We all marvelled that at the funeral home my grandmothers nails were painted.  We had never seen that in our lives.  She was always working in the dirt with her garden, or canning what they harvested from the garden.  Baking rhubard pies from scratch & crocheting many things for her children, grandchildren & great grandchildren.  Making the best home made fried chicken in the ancient cast iron that was ever present with her stove.  Those hands were never still.

My mom commented how my grandma had such terrible gout in her fingers making things harder and painful for her to do, but today laying in her casket her hands were not swollen or painful.  They were holding her rosary, with a faint touch of fancy nail polish, finally pain free.  Amen.

44 Will Be My Best Year Ever!

I turned 44 yesterday.  I am determined to make this year my best one ever.

I'm going to stay out of the hospital, find a diet that works better for my gastroparesis and try to enjoy life every day instead of worrying about things that may or may not even happen.

I hope to be a better wife to my husband and a better mother to my boys.  Some people start a new outlook at New Years, but for me this birthday seems like a new starting point for me.

I think the fact that my neighbor was murdered at just 60 years old, just when he was opening a new chapter of his life (retirement), made me really realize that I have a responsibility to stop being a "sick person" and really start living my life.

Does anyone want to make a new start with me?

The Doctors, Really?

There is a show on TV called The Doctors.  Today their show is called, "The Hole Truth" where they will be discussing all of the holes in your body.  I don't need that in my morning.  If it's not a hole on my head I don't want to discuss it and I especially don't want to watch a TV show about it!

I'm afraid to even go past that channel when I'm looking for something to watch.  The last time it was on I caught a show about nipple discharge.  With my son.  In a waiting room.  As you can imagine, we were all squriming until I went up and asked them to change the channel.  We happily settled on Sesame Street.

If anything is having discharge or if I have a problem with any of my "holes" I'll talk to my Dr.  In private.  The way God intended it.

Does This Happen To You?

I go to sleep on any given night with my eyebrows looking halfway respectable, only to wake up and find that they grew to Andy Rooney sized proportions overnight.  How does this happen?

My Husband Loves Me So Much!

Hi friends, my computer still has me locked out of my Blogger account! I’m so sorry I haven’t visited anyone in so long, between the computer trouble & the trip I just took to Dayton with Iams & Eukanuba I can’t get caught up, but I did want to share a quick post about how amazing my husband is.

He worked while I was away being wined and dined and then had to pick me up at midnight last night at Detroit Metro Airport about an hour away from here. Instead of complaining about having to get me, he was thrilled and proud that I was able to overcome my anxiety, gastroparesis & broken ankle and go by myself.

He was waiting for me in baggage claim and when I got to the van he had brought my pillow, a quilt, a Hostess cherry pie, a Diet Pepsi. I am so lucky & blessed.

I’m going to try and resolve this issue so I can visit you all & tell you more about my trip soon!

I'm in the middle of the picture in yellow!

Mania, The Other Side Of Bipolar

This is exactly how I feel today:

Mania: The fast ideas start coming too fast and there are far too many ... overwhelming confusion replaces clarity ... you stop keeping up with it … memory goes. Infectious humor ceases to amuse. Your friends become frightened ... everything is now against the grain ... you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and trapped. Source

I'm not posting this for sympathy, all though prayers and good wishes are appreciated.  I'm posting so that more people can understand the struggle that bipolar, in my case type II, can bring. 

I am not crazy, my brain chemistry is wrong and it makes me feel crazy, scared, out of control.  Don't be afraid of people with mental illness, be their friend.

Why Is It...

...that I can remember ever word to the Tommy Tutone song, "867-5309/Jenny", but I can't remember what I did yesterday?

Which Ken Were You?

Chris found this in Sunday's paper & it cracked me up.

I had the 1970's Mod Hair Ken that had mutton chops and other facial hair that you could put on him.

He was groovy, don't you think?

Medical Assisting?

John David is considering going to school for medical assisting, but he concerned about having to wear scrubs.  Well I found a great place for medical uniforms, that even he thinks are cool.

Once I started looking at the program, I thought that it might be something I'd be interested in doing, if I get turned down for SS disability.  I like scrubs that are classic, but not too busy.  Fashion scrubs are some that I found that are high quality and have great colors like chocolate and aquamarine that look great.

I've already done a lot of the work for medical assisting program when I did my medical coding program, so I wouldn't have to take things

Who knows what kind of path lies in our futures and whether or not it contains medical scrub sets can be expensive, but they have to be durable and well made.

Could I handle dealing with sick people all day.  Would I be good at drawing blood?  I'm not sure, but if I am I know where I'll be getting my scrubs!

My Horrendous Couch

We are currenly saving money to redecorate our living room.  We've had this couch since the boys were little and you can see for yourself that it is horrific condition.

The back of this section is torn up and the seat is destroyed.  The footrest is wired in place and can't be put down!

The next section has the back destroyed from the dog & cats.

Let me note that this is the room where the boys hang out and we have a lovely set of furniture on what we call our sunporch, which is our main room.

So now I have to start shopping for sectional couches.  I found this one that I like.

 I think this Candice Olson rug would look great in front of it.

Jack suggested this zebra wallpaper, but I don't know if I really have the nerve for that.  I'm thinking about maybe 1 small accent wall, but it probably won't happen ;)

The last thing I would love to purchase is a lift top coffee table to complete the room.

This is going to take a lot of saving, but I enjoy looking and finding things that would work for me.  What about you, do you ever window shop online?

I Made It!

I'm happy to say that my dad & I arrived safely home yesterday afternoon, with no more troubles.

Your love, prayers, support and offers of help have meant the world to me.  While my uncle lived far away, he was by far my favorite. 

He called me Spoiled Brat, and because of his birthday, he was my April Fool.  This was a long journey for my family and your continued prayers for my cousins and family are appreciated.

It will take some time to decompress from this trip, but I hope to be around to visit you all soon!

Stranded

Hello friends,

I am very sorry to say that my uncle passed away late Tuesday evening.  We were able to say goodbye, but the loss is felt deeply.

On our way to Missouri, my dad's 2010 Acadia broke down & we had to leave it in a small town in Illinois, then take a loaner on to St. Louis.  We are back in Illinois and our car is still not fixed, in fact they have not even received the part yet.  I have no idea how it could possibly take a dealership almost a week to get a part for a one year old car.  If the part comes in today then we should be able to leave tomorrow, otherwise it will be Monday at the earliest.

Sorry to be gone so long, I hope to be able to get home to my family as soon as possible.  This trip has taken a lot out of my father and me emotionally, and the added stress of not being able to get home is not helping, as I'm sure you can imagine. I appreciate all of your love and support and hope to be back to my family and my blogging soon.

A Sad Trip

Well I got the phone call that my uncle in St. Louis has moved into hospice and my dad & I need to hop into the van to say goodbye.

I'm not sure when I'll be back, but prayers are appreciated.

Change

A snowstorm

Plus a box of hair color

Takes me from this

To this

I Smiled Today

Friends, you know my blog is all about honesty, which can be an emotional rollercoaster since I live with bi-polar disorder.

My medications were changed last week and it was a disaster, yesterday I changed back to Cymbalta and hope to go back to being my normal, only semi-crazy self.

Today for the first time in a week I found myself engaging with people and spontaneously smiling & it felt great.  I was able to recognize the moment and hold on to it.  Then I heard the song '100 Years' by Five For Fighting and it really made me stop.  The lyrics at one point say "I'm 45 for a moment, the sea is high and I'm heading into a crisis, chasing the years of my life."  Bazinga, that one spoke to me!

Really just a moment I have to enjoy life before that time is gone.  So today I'm going to ignore the snow and hold onto the moment of my smile.  Maybe I'll even have another one on the way.



*I will post the winners of my Stride Panties giveaway a little later in the day.

Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Cheese?

Went shopping yesterday & this was our cheese haul. 

Nope, no lactose intolerance in this family!

Happy monday!

Thoughts on Thinking Clearly! or My New Horoscope

OK, so a group of bored people got together and decided that the horoscopes needed to be changed.  Who does that?

It's not like a group of people can just get together and decide that we now have one less planet or anything, right?  OK, never mind that one.

With the new horoscope system I am supposedly changing from a Cancer to a Gemini.  Here's what it says:

Cancer: June 22-July 22
Your previous qualities: the tenacity with which they protect their loved ones.

This is VERY true of me, always has been & always will be.

My new sign says this:
Gemini: June 21-July 20

Your new qualities: the ability to communicate effectively and think clearly.

Bwahahahah, A ha ha ha, that's a good one.  Me, bipolar, anxiety suffering me, thinking clearly.  I think that I'll stay as a Cancer thank you.  I can't think clearly enough to remember my new sign.

Wonderful Treasure From Italy

I've been friends with Jeannie from Jeannie's Happy World for years.  After years of living in Georgia while her husband was stationed there and was in Iraq (Army), she finally got her dream of him being stationed in Italy.

She sent me an amazing Christmas package and let me open it early while I was talking to her on the phone.  The outside was all decorated and Oskar knew it smelled good!

This first baggie is full of candies and confections.  Notice how beautifully all of the baggies are decorated.  Jeannie is an amazing card maker & made everything look perfect.

These are Italian truffles.  My husband was begging me to share these each time I bit into one!

She went to the factory to get these samples of extra virgin olive oil, lemon juice and balsamic vinegar.

Jeannie stamped the designs on these tea lights & they're wrapped in ribbon.  Everything is just so perfect!

These are minestrone beans that I made up with some smoked sausage, it was so good!

Look at how beautiful these beans are!

Jeannie knows that I like pea soup so she sent me this one.  It was really fresh & light, perfect for a day I was having tummy trouble.  I had to use Google Traslator to figure out how to make it, lol.

Here's all of my delicious booty, all made in the region where she lives.  Right by Venice...I'm so jealous I can't see straight, but so happy that she finally got to go to Italy.

Stop by Jeannie's Happy World and give her some love.

She's former Air Force, her husband is in the Army, her oldest daughter just finished Air Force basic training, her son-in-law is in the Army & her son is getting ready to graduate high school and go into the service this year.  They are a family working hard to protect our country & I'm so proud that she's my friend.  Especially when she's sending so many yummy goodies my way ;-)