Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Why So Sad?

What happens when you are sad, really sad & you just can't seem to shake it. Well for me it's part of my depression. I'll be going to see a counselor this week, Thursday to be exact. That is if I don't cancel.

Along with depression, I have social anxiety disorder. Meeting new people...not so much. I usually cancel on things like this, but I'm going to make a real effort this time.

I need to take baby steps towards loving myself, so I guess this is one of them.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Further Proof That Life Is Truly Not Fair!

Here is a pic of Helen Mirrin, who will 63 in a few days, rockin' her bikini!


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Purple Cartoon Areolae

Huh...my 16 year old son, who will be a HS junior next year is on his summer vacation. He wanted to work on his summer vacation, but there was only enough work to last about 2 weeks. By the time they told him, most of the other jobs (the 3 that were out there) were already gone. Since his driver's training has ended & there are no jobs in sight he spends lots of time on the couch.

With that being said, I just went out in to the living room to talk to him. He is currently watching a cartoon called "Chowder." The part I saw had a small purple male cartoon blob wearing only underpants. The purple thing, named Chowder, has cartoon breasts with darker purple cartoon areolae. Really. The plot line revolved around the fact that Chowder needed to go pee, but was unfortunately trapped in the bathroom with 2 of his friends & couldn't go in front of them. The tall brown friend had breasts, but no nipplage, while the blue friend had a much flatter chest. I have no recollection why I originally went out there to talk to him.

My son is due to start advanced placement English in the fall. I can hear his I.Q. falling from here.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Random Knowledge

Some random things about me. I'm sure many people will care.

1. I don't mind being 41, but I don't want to look 41.

2. I'm tired of being fat, but not tired enough to fix it once & for all. Why? Bad food tastes good.

3. I have the same sock-monkey pajamas as a successful writer named Jen Lancaster.

4. I have a odd love for bad pizza. Especially if it comes from a gas station.

5. I drink too much.

6. Some women I don't know make me angry when I just see them or even hear them. Included in this category are Shania Twain, Cheryl Crowe & Giada De Laurentiis. When I see Giada I uncontrollably yell out "big-headed whore" while looking for the remote.

7. I hate bread with pits in it.

8. I call most types of seeds, pits.

9. I call gloves, mittens & my full grown cats, kittens and/or schmittens.

10. I often make up songs I sing out loud to myself. On occasion they do involve mittens, kittens & schmittens.

11. I love living in Michigan, but wish I could live in one of many beautiful places that our state has instead of this strip-mall, subdivision hell known as Waterford.

12. I love Waterford.

13. I am way too lenient with my 16 year old son. My 13 year old doesn't get into any trouble...yet.

14. I almost always prefer the company of books to the company of people.

15. I find it hard to do anything without a T.V. on in the background.

16. I'm no where near mature enough for my age, but I'm not mature enough to care.

17. I think I may actually have enough balls to give a couple of friends a link to this blog.

18. If my Dr. makes me wait too long I steal a magazine. Today I waited over an hour & I stole the August issue of Family Circle. I should probably stop doing this.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The Old Bait & Switch.

Hmm...here I sit a few days away from 41. I promised myself that 40 would be better than 39, but I don't think I lived up to that one.

I was hospitalized about 6 times, failed to sustain much of a wt. loss & I am more alone than ever.

I have a fantastic husband & two amazing sons, how can I be alone? My anxiety & depression keep me from doing just about anything outside of the house. I can usually go to church & lunch afterwards. I can go to the grocery store or to run errands. I can chauffer the boys around & pick up or drop off their friends. What I can't do is go out with people, meet people for any activity, or go to people's house for a social activity. I can't have people come here either.

Any plans I make (usually with people who are my friends from church because I have lost all of my other friends for this reason) I cancel. My husband goes without me, or he doesn't go at all. It's not the life he signed up for.

When I met my husband I was a person who was thin, self confident & exciting to be around. I had made it through my divorce & come out the other side with a sparkle in my eye. We had an exciting life before we got married. I blame myself for putting the kibosh on the majority of his fun.

I feel like I pulled a bait & switch on him. I offered a shiny, fun fiance & left him holding the bag on an old, chubby, sad person who is afraid of life. He deserves more. I suppose I do too, but I feel worse for him.