Thursday, September 3, 2009

What To Write When You Have Nothing To Say...

As some of you who read my blog may know, I suffer from bi-polar type II and social anxiety disorders. It brings a lot of ups and downs. Well, that's not really true. In my case it's mostly downs & then even more downs.

That's where I'm at right now. Way down. Bi-polar has a way of taking many things away from you, the ability to work, the ability to feel useful & worst of all the ability to hope. I am just going through a long, dark period of hopeless right now.

And my brain says "don't post, nobody wants to hear you being Debbie Downer", but I want people to understand how debilitating things like bi-polar can be.

My second reason to post is my selfishness. I know that by writing this post, many of my bloggy friends will leave words of encouragement and love & I could use some extra encouragement right now.

22 comments:

becca greene said...

I am always glad to see a post from a fellow sufferer of bipolar disorder being so brutally honest about their difficulties with the disease. My battles over the last few years have been filled with more low periods then high which is quite the opposite of my early-mid 20s. Frankly, I am glad that you're being a "debbie downer" cause at least you got the energy together to post something and that's quite a step in the right direction. I've definitely gone whole weeks without posting not because I didn't have anything to say but just because the effort of putting out those feelings was too much for me. I am sure you can make it through this as like all things it will eventually pass.

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

I'm so sorry. I know what really terrible depression is like. And asking for encouragement--it's not selfish. it's courageous and, I think, holy. We were made to be loved and to love. To seek to be loved makes God deeply happy, I think as we are reaching out for precisely what it is that s/he wants us to have! Prayers for you.

Joy said...

You deserve all the virtual hugs and encouragement you can get Pam. Will be praying for you.

Rachelle @ "Mommy? I'm Hungry!" said...

sending you lots of (((HUGS))) and smiles!

sAm said...

Here's a virtual hug...I have no idea of what you are going through, but after dealing with depression myself I know how much it took for you to write this...stay strong.

Tammy said...

I'm so sorry you are in such a downwar spiral. And, I won't pretend to understand...although, we all have our down times, you perhaps more than most. I'm sorry for that. BUT! Even in your depression you made me laugh today. Your sense of humor is what has attracted me to your blog. I love your style! I'm glad you reached out and spoke from your heart. I hope this cyber {{{HUG}}} helps bring a smile to your face.

Diane said...

i, for one, am honored to hear whatever you have to talk about - good or bad. cuz... i'm your friend right? and, that's just all part of the package. and in your case, a beautiful, creative and caring package it is!

{{hugs}}

blueviolet said...

You'd better believe we're gonna leave you words of encouragement. Through the good and the bad, we're your friends and we'll always be here to give you as many hugs as you need! :)

Nellie and Calvert said...

Thank you...

For bringing this condition out of the closet.

For making so many of us smile with each and every one of your posts.

And for your honesty.

You are not selfish for wanting others to leave good wishes; you are simply human. Why shouldn't you want this... The healing power that words have is amazing.

Look forward to your next post, no matter what the subject.

He & Me + 3 said...

Mimi,

Thank you for sharing and for being so honest. That way we can pray. I know it is so hard somedays. But try & find one thing to rejoice in or to be thankful for amongst the chaos and the sadness. It will help. Cry out to Abba Father...He is there & He knows what you are going through & He wants you to need Him.
Hugs and prayers are being sent your way.

Amanda said...

I am new to the blogging world and your post is the first i've read and i have to say THANK YOU.. you are very courageous for writing your feelings and i hope that i can do the same. :D

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Thank you for sharing my friend! I wondered how you were doing. I miss you when you're not on for several days. Know that I am praying for you. But more than that know that your Abba Father loves you and hasn't forgotten you. Hang in there my friend. He's not finished with you yet!

Cherie said...

Bi-polar sucks!! It is totally not an easy thing to deal with!!
So I just want you to know that even though I do not know you in the real life that I really, really love your blog. You are funny and real and I just really like you.
I hope this down does not last long!!!!
{{{HUGS}}}}}

Sarah said...

My Aunt has bi-polar, and possibly a touch of Schizophrenia. I was her ONLY support for many years. It was easy to support her because I have a Psych degree and really understand this issue. That said, I have not spoken to her since December because of things she said at Christmas, the way she treats my Grandma and Mother, and my feelings being VERY hurt. I guess that doesn't sound like support for YOU but my point is that had she reached out for support, it may have helped. It's admirable that you reach out for support...it's important and I respect that.

heidi said...

I wanted to leave you some words of encouragement but everyone has already said whatever I would have said had I been here to say it before they said it. Ya know?

So, here are some words of encouragement according to thesaurus.com. May you find some of them in your journey.

advance, advocacy, aid, animation, assistance, backing, boost, cheer, comfort, confidence, consolation, consoling, easement, enlivening, faith, favor, firmness, fortitude, helpfulness, hope, incentive, incitement, inspiration, inspiritment, invigoration, optimism, promotion, reassurance, reassuring, refreshment, relief, relieving, reward, shot in the arm, softening, solacing, stimulation, stimulus, succor, supporting, trust, urging

Mwah!

Carolina said...

Your wish is my command sweet Mimi! I am so sorry that you have to feel so low. I'm sending lots of warm, happy feelings your way now and I hope you will feel better very, very soon! Maybe looking at Oskar's great face makes you smile a little? Have you ever read something by Stephen Fry? He is a great British actor and writer and a very funny guy who suffers from bipolar disorder. He did a television series about it too. Very informative. Although I'm not sure if he has written about his bipolarity.

Anyhoo, lots of love to you Mimi and I truly hope all the hugs sent to you by your blogfriends will make you feel better. Ready to receive some more? (((())))

Queenie Jeannie said...

OHMYGOSH!!

Dammit woman - you know my phone number! So sorry I'm only just now seeing this.

Hugs! You are loved so much more than you even know. Are you getting some fresh air and sunshine??? Take that silly dog of yours out for a walk, all the time!! You'll both feel better.

S2Power said...

Just reading your blog for the first time. I clicked on a link with your today's title from Boo Mama's page. I just wanted to encourage you to read the Psalms and memorize the ones that speak to you. There is nothing like the Word of God that can enable you to keep the faith----and hope.

My niece is bipolar so I am familiar with it. Hope you are some kind of medication for it.

God bless you for reaching out.

Stefany said...

I can relate. Feel free to email me if you want to talk to someone who truly understands.

Carly said...

Just popping over via BlogHer and wanted to add my good wishes to the bunch.

I truly hope tomorrow brings the sun, and commend you on your courage and determination for posting even when it (seems) is impossible to do so.

Cheers,
Carly

Great-Granny Grandma said...

Have been away from Blogland for a while and am only just starting to get caught up.

Just wanted to say you are one amazing woman to be able to do all that you do (blogging on several blogs, taking/posting fantastic photos, and being so creative)while feeling so depressed. I do hope and pray that your doctor will come up with the right med that works for you so you can move out of this horrible bi-polar dark cloud you seem to be under.

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