Saturday, November 7, 2009

Hospital Stories ~ Part 2

My post about making my husband give me his under wear in the emergency room was only part one of that night's adventure. I promised the ending, so here it is.

After realizing that I had rushed out of the house without my underwear and forcing my husband to give me his boxer briefs, I got to meet the Doctor who would be taking care of me in the E.R. I guess these are mainly interns or residents or some such thing.

Imagine my delight when mine came in looking like a dark haired Doogie Howser. Now at 42 years old I have a son who is 17 years old, but believe me when I tell you this Doc looked young enough to be my son.

I was sitting proud in my hospital gown and hubbies undies when he walked in. He seemed nervous just putting the stethoscope on the front of my chest, and then mortified when he had to lift up my gown to push on my belly. He then proclaimed, in a wavering voice, that he would have to take a look at my "lady parts". LADY PARTS! Was this man a real doctor or some gurney pusher slapped into scrubs? Do they not teach proper language in medical school? I thought next he was gonna ask to look at my hoo-ha!

With hesitation he got some type of lighted probe and proceeded to spend 3.5 seconds inspecting my lady parts. I can't even verify that he found the correct spot, and am somewhat concerned for any future girlfriends he might have.

He then told me he was going to send me for an ultra sound of my, you guessed it, lady parts. I just wanted to yell, "vagina, vagina", but I knew I had pushed my husband to his limits as it was.

This ultra sound was somewhat like someone shoving a Mr. Microphone into my lady parts and wrenching it around for about 45 minutes. Dr. Doogie may not have been thorough, but Ms. Ultrasound saw places that my children never even saw when they were living in there.

Once I had completely violated, I was sent back to Dr. Doogie where he pronounced nothing was wrong with me and sent me home. Since I was admitted to the hospital 2 days later for 4 nights, we now know that the problem didn't lie in my lady parts, but I swear the next time they send me a Dr. who's voice isn't done changing, I'm taking my husbands underwear, my lady parts and getting the heck out of there, once I get my drugs that is!

10 comments:

Queenie Jeannie said...

Ohmygosh! That's just too funny!!!! Well, except that you didn't get any medical treatment that is...

Amy said...

Why was he looking there in the first place. That is crazy. I have something for you on my blog.. It will make you smile..

Diane said...

i died laughing when you expressed worry for any future girlfriends he may have. lol

i've had one of those ultrasounds and you described it perfectly lol.

well, look, at least you are getting better now. but ugh, i can understand your frustration with drs. seems they are just winging it sometimes. wth?

Emily@marvelousrecipes.net said...

Oh my gosh, you should be a comedy writer!! I haven't laughed this hard in forever! Thanks for brightening up my day!

He & Me + 3 said...

This is too funny. I remember my OB doctors assistant was that way too. I felt very violated having him practice on me. UGH

Joy said...

Good grief! Sounds like you got stuck with a total doofus!

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

that is funny....and I plan to ask my Hubby if he would give me his undies or not. He better say yes.

Kerri said...

LADY PARTS??? That is too funny! I have a trach, and it is SO unfair to make me laugh that hard!
You have a new follower for sure.
I've had one of those ultrasounds as well, and girl, you hit in on the head. YUCK!
Kerri
www.sickofmg.blogspot.com

blueviolet said...

That was hilarious! Wrenching parts around inside for 45 minutes...LOL

Great-Granny Grandma said...

I know having to go to the ER and then getting admitted a few days later was not funny at all, so don't get mad at me for laughing, but this post was just too hilarious.